At some point in our lives as Black men, we’ve been covered by Black women both directly and indirectly. It’s a common occurrence to hear a wife/mother of a Black man say, “I pray every time that he walks out the door that he’ll make it back home in one piece.” She can often say this in front of other people, perhaps relatives, who will quickly echo similar fears and offer support. It’s a privilege afforded to straight Black folks that many are unaware of. But straight Black women are not the only people who are invested in loving and protecting Black men. Queer Black men who are in loving relationships with each other experience the same fear of existing in a white supremacist patriarchial society, but there hasn’t been space created for this narrative—until now.
In a recent upload to their Instagram page, Dominque and Nicholas Spence (Dom & Nick), an openly gay married couple living in Miami Beach, Florida, revealed how a recent dream turned into a nightmare, spiked his anxiety and inspired the gut-wrenching video.
"I haven’t been sleeping much since last week and I wish it was for a better reason," said Nicholas Spence. "After having a nightmare this weekend that left me awake and in tears, I did not know how else to capture the sense of dread that plagues me consistently but completely overwhelms me when footage of a Black person being murdered circles the internet."
Nick looks squarely into the camera, covered only by a black tee and flanked by a cream backdrop, he utters:
“His beautiful Black skin filled with possibilities. I think of all the things he could be.
Dead.
That’s what the news says.
Suffocated.
Incarcerated.
Incriminated.
Be all that you can be…that’s what they say.
Be all that you can be…except alive.
Is what they really mean.
I can’t look at his body in this state without thinking of all the countless bodies like ours, whose last words were not “I love you,” but a plea for life.
For dignity.
For humanity.
For a chance to just be.
For a chance to breathe.
Spence went on to say that "in many ways having a Black husband is such a source of strength for me, yet in times like these it is yet another life I have to worry will be cut short too soon."
The couple, who met in high school and married in 2017 after dating long distance for years, first gained national attention after their photo was featured on @thewaywemet on Instagram, which led to a viral feature story in Buzzfeed News the same year.
Dominic and I feel lucky to have found love at such a young age. However, falling in love with another black man was scary in ways neither of us could have ever imagined. It forced us to face the very real resistance from society for being not only homosexuals but black men as well. We had to confront the stereotypes of being largely defined as uneducated, disloyal, untrustworthy, and unreliable individuals. But together we chose to rise above those prejudices and rewrite our own story- one of inspiration. We want others to see that our union is marked by achievement, love, friendship, respect, and unconditional support. We hope to encourage other black and brown men and boys everywhere to be true to who they are. And when they find love in each other's eyes, to know that their love is just as strong and beautiful as anyone else's.-Buzzfeed
So often Black LGBTQ people are forced to choose one part of their identity over the other in order to fit into certain spaces. Living Out Loud 2.0 applauds Dom and Nick for refusing to place a hierarchy on their identities and for being a living example of Black queer liberation and affirmation.
Watch Nick and Dom in "Alive...for now" below.
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